There are men who just go for it. This is not the correct approach. Doing so is counter-productive. This just places both of you in an uncomfortable setting for the rest of the night by being overly too touchy.

So now you know you can be too overly aggressive, but you must also know that you can also be too timid. If you don’t show any physical contact to your date you may as well punch your ticket to the friend zone! This is not the best approach either as it may come off you are simply not interested.

Let’s figure out how you can gain the balance between not coming off as creepy but yet still show that you are interested in her.

When you first introduce yourself, form a physical bond quickly by shaking her hand.

One area in particular is a good start for physical contact. Touch her on the outside of her arm shows that you are very personable. Do so however, in a smooth and appropriate manner.

The key here is to build a bond with a woman.

Remember to be natural, do it in a manner so as to seem as natural as possible. For example, if she wants to go to the bathroom, direct her and help her get through the crowd by making sure shes holding on to your hand or your shoulders. This allows her to get to where she needs to go and you get the physical contact you want.

Giving a hug when closing out your conversation is a great way to leave a good lasting impression.

It is worth your while to build this bond and rapport with a woman as she’ll remember you in a way where she wont just consider you as just another friend.

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But more often than not, her eyes wander to her cell phone and then meander to the people behind him.

In fact, just about everything in her environment seems to enthrall her except for him, causing a billion and one insecurities to snake into his mind, such as…

1). She must think I am ugly as sin.

2). Does she find me as boring as Velveeta cheese?

3). Do I have the personality of a houseplant?

4). Did I forget to wear deodorant?

5). Is my ego going to be an obituary in tomorrow’s paper?

And if he’s bitter, he might think: She’s like a warm toilet seat – some guy was there before me, another will be there when I get up.

Like a hard working mule, he takes one last crack at making conversation.

But, alas, she stings him with, “It was nice meeting you but I have to go.”

In retrospect, he may think: Damn! That fall-asleep boring conversation piece took the pickup to a crippling halt. It was like the one unlucky drink that shoves a wavering alcoholic off the wagon. I should have never used it.

Most of us have experienced something along these lines.

Many of us have thought: If I only had more interesting things to say, do, or show women, my outcome with them would be completely different.

Although there may be a speck of truth here, most great orators, politicians, and salesmen will tell you, “The content of what you say is far less important than how you say it.”

I’ve seen comedians put an audience in stitches one night yet bomb the next. While the standup routine they used was exactly the same on both nights, their delivery was completely different.

For this reason…

You won’t learn any interesting conversation pieces, cute lines, or fall-on-the-floor-laughing jokes in this article.

Instead…

I’m going to teach you a communication secret that captivates women.

But before I go on, I want you to make me a promise (and, as you’ll see in a few minutes, this promise is for your own good)…

No matter how boring you think you are (even if you think you’re more boring than a 90 year old woman living in a nursing home), I want you to promise me that you won’t change the content of what you say to women for one week.

Here’s why…

I want you to see how adding just this simple secret to what you currently do and say when interacting with women can dramatically increase your success.

In school, you’re taught to finish a thought or idea before moving onto the next. Great advice if you want to plunge women into a narcoleptic stupor.

But if you want women to hang onto your every word, you need to break this crippling habit and start using nested loops.

A nested or open loop is when you start an idea, thought, or story, and instead of finishing it, you move onto something else. In other words, you keep the loop open.

Whenever the human mind is presented with an open loop – unfinished idea, thought, or story – it seeks closure.

Open loops are a form of what I call “tension loops” because they create unresolved emotional tension in a woman.

Even if a woman finds you as interesting and attractive as a sewer rat, the open loop unconsciously compel her to hang onto every word that pours out of your lips and emotionally drives her to see you as a valuable Prize.

Because she seeks resolution to the tension you’ve sparked in her mind and knows that you can release the tension, she perceives you as having value and heeds close attention to everything you say.

Imagine a slovenly bum and a high maintenance babe crossing paths. The bum makes a tragic try at conversation with her by saying, “Hello. My name is Jack and I am homeless. Let me tell you about how I became homeless.”

Chances are, she’d have no interest and scurry off because she finds him aesthetically repulsive, possibly scary, and of little value.

But if he fired an open loop at her, such as, “You know what they say about women with green eyes?” he would probably spark unresolved tension in her body. She’d feel a yen for emotional closure. Closure only he has the power to bring her.

And bada bing, bada boom…

This vagabond she normally would never give the time of day to piques her interest and has value (or Prizability) in her eyes.

Furthermore, open loops can build sexual arousal…

When you spark emotional tension within the context of flirting with a woman it becomes sexualized in her body.

But there’s a facet of open loops I haven’t mentioned yet…

It’s called the “Zeigarnik effect.”

One of the early contributors to Gestalt psychology Bluma Zeigarnik noticed that waiters remember orders up until they serve the food. Then they forget. This led to the discovery that the mind retains the most information when a loop is open.

How does this help you? A woman will probably remember everything you tell her between opening up a loop and closing it.

I want to share with you a powerful application of open loops I learned from watching politicians…

Oftentimes, when politicians are asked a question, they skirt around it for several minutes, talking about almost irrelevant topics, before directly addressing it. This keeps the listener in suspense.

How can we apply this to seduction and attraction?

Here’s an example…

When most men meet a woman they utter their name and then shake the woman’s hand. Usually that’s it. The interaction is over.

An hour – or even a few minutes – later she probably won’t remember his name or anything about him.

Instead, when a woman asks me my name I use an open loop.

I may say,

“When I was a kid my mom told me that she and my dad originally named me Arete, which means all the qualities that make up someone with good character.

And I said, ‘Wow, mom… that’s awesome! Why didn’t you keep the name?’

And she said, ‘Well honey, you’re lucky we didn’t name you Arete because it’s the name of a goddess from Greek mythology.

But we didn’t really give a crap about you having a female name.

The real reason we didn’t name you Arete was that our dog was named Arete – we really loved the name.

And on the day you were born our dog was hit by a car. When we looked at you, we didn’t want you to remind us of the dog. So we named you Josh instead.’”

In lieu of giving her the instant gratification of learning my name I’m using an open loop. This builds unresolved tension inside her body.

Her unconscious mind seeks to bring closure to this loop, inciting her to hang on to my every word.

Had I just told her my name from the get go, she might have judged, “This average looking guy probably lives a boring life,” and then moved onto another man.

But by using an open loop, I had an opportunity to demonstrate that I come from cultured people, have a sense of humor, tell great stories, and possess value (or Prizability).

Plus, due to the Zeigarnik effect, she will remember that I was the guy almost named Arete.

Josh Lubens, a dating coach, write under the penname Swinggcat and has been teaching men how to attract women for the last ten years. Visit his website if wanna get a PhD education on how to attract women.